“The message was: So you’re single. You can still have sex. You can have a great life. And if you marry, don’t just sponge off a man or be the gold-medal-winning mother. Don’t use men to get what you want in life — get it for yourself.” — Helen Gurley Brown
 
Before there was “Sex and the City‘s” Carrie Bradshaw, there was “Sex and the Single Girl’s” Helen Gurley Brown.

I usually peruse through the bargain book section at Barnes and Noble hoping to find a good read. One day of leisurely strolling through my infamous aisle, a book titled “Sex and the Single Girl” by Helen Gurley Brown caught my eye. What interested me is that this was a book originally published in 1962 and dealt with the concepts of the pressure to get married in the 1960’s, although it can still relate to women today.

As a single woman, and having encountered the pressures that arise in being single, the book caught my eye; however, do not get discouraged by the title, it is not all about sex, but more about gaining that independent womanhood, and through that gaining the respect you need to succeed. Brown discourages women from getting into a relationship just because it’s what society wants us to do.

I feel this pressure all the time, every time I talk to someone I haven’t spoke to in awhile, the question they always ask is “So, are you dating anyone?” I always answer, no, and they respond with why not?  What do you mean why not? I have friends that are happily married, but I enjoy being single and I will date someone when I want to date someone. I am not going out looking for it. As Brown quotes in her book, “I think marriage is an insurance for the worst years of your life. During your best years you don’t need a husband. You do need a man of course every step of the way, and they often are cheaper emotionally and a lot more fun by the dozen.”

As the original editor of the “new” Cosmopolitan magazine beginning in 1965, Brown transformed the popular women’s magazine from a “family” publication to what some women refer to today as the “Bible,” or a guide for women everywhere.  Brown was voted in the “World Almanac” as one of the 25 most influential women in America. To some, she has been known as an inspiration to women all around the U.S., setting the example of success, power, and independence. In fact, the famous best-seller of the 1960’s was turned into a movie, which later was the inspiration behind the creation of the popular book to Television series, “Sex and the City” by Candice Bushnell.

“Sex and the Single Girl,” as taken from a feminist perspective, sparked controversy in the 1960’s when it was originally published; Brown was encouraging women to not have a man in their lives, and to embrace their single statuses and their sexual promiscuity. The book informs women on where to meet men, how to be sexy, dealing with the nine to five, staying in shape, taking care of yourself, how to select your wardrobe, and much more!  It is the framework for the single woman, whether she is 20, 30, or 40 and still single — her life is never over. Although, the pressures of marriage are nowhere near what they were in the 1960s, Brown feels that women should never get married just to get married. In fact, she quotes, “I think the single woman’s biggest problem is coping with the people trying to marry her off! She is driven by herself and her well-meaning but addlepated friends to become married that her whole existence seems to be an apology for not being married.”

Brown encourages women to stand up and make the best of the single years. Work hard and get the things you want. Date the men you want, while being a strong, independent woman. Flirt with style. And do it all for yourself.

“Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.” – Helen Gurley Brown

I definitely recommend this book, it is a must-read for all single women struggling with the everyday pressures. For those of you who are attached, it is still entertaining. Maybe you will understand where us single women are coming from, and learn the true art of being an independent women.

Photo credits: Wikipedia and BornToday.com